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Анушка вече е купила олиото...
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| first entry for the year |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|08:43 pm] |
Ok, maybe the first entry for this year is more or less close to the end of it. Facebook has made having a journal more or less obsolete, for me at least. When you do not need to really express yourself, but just draft one person\na, and go on observing the social life of other people. Like one colleague of mine. She wrote once in her status "OMG, today I'm so busy, that I don't even have the time to get on facebook". Well apparently she did find the time to do so.
Very static. You can't go on and read what you've written months, or even years ago, and risk being ashamed of it. You can't figure out whether you've become a better person. What you're getting instead is the tabloid reality of your friends, which entertains you for the time being, and doesn't leave a lasting impression of creativity, or observation, or whatever.
So... I guess I should finally really get back to LJ. Social sites are cool and entertaining, even sometimes addictive, but they're not sensational.
Anyway. For the last 11 months things went in a totally different way. I finally had to start paying for all the carelessnes of recent years, and that's not fun at all. It's time to move on, and have a restart. Which is what I am working on at the moment. Just have to figure out what sort of a restart should it be. Another escape, to a new reality, for ease of reference - geographically. And it should be the centre of an empire. I need something cosmopolitan.
Vienna or London, I guess, out of convenience, since Istanbul and Moscow are unaccessible for the time being. Life will show. |
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| joyeux fetes et bonne annee |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|12:27 pm] |
for me 31th of december hasn't really been much of a watershed. years in a row the year for me started mid-september and ended twelve months later, making this particular month a sad recalculation of what has passed and what will come; 1 jan was just another checkpoint on the way forth. it'd become a reason to draft various resolutions which last at best 2 weeks and a half. and it's an excellent reason for a party.
something that i've noticed about the calendar years, however, is that they start up and end up in a very similar way. no matter what happens inbetween, if your 2008 started shitty, it ends shitty. mine started excellent, however, in peace and excitement, and ends so.
i wouldn't say that i could complain. new long-dreamed-of job, new friends, new lookout towards life, sense of direction (which I have long-missed), and plenty of opportunities that life keeps hiden for you to discover.
since the last time the titles got rolling on the sound of soultech on alfa radio nothing much changed, except that your modesty became fatter, balder, and emotionally flatter. but that's what happens every year around that season.
have an amazing new year's eve, and have all the wonders of the world ahead of you in 2009! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|09:51 pm] |
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"...няма смисъл да се тормозиш. всичко това са глупости, единственото крайно нещо в този свят е смъртта. една разходка из гробищата и вече животът ти добива друга перспектива. днеска те има, утре те няма. и забелязваш ли каква сила има в тази несигурност? ако някой умре, колкото и близък да ти е той - няма какво да направиш. и продължаваш. ако пък не е умрял - то каквото и да се случва, не е толкова лошо, защото нали смъртта е най-лошото? а тя какво толкова лошо е? ако си жив - добре, накрая всичко се оправя, не се ли е оправило - то не е дошъл и края... ако си умрял - то значи и да не се е оправило не те интересува. затова я по-спокойно, я по-усмихнато. че утре току виж не си се събудил..." |
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| winter tires time |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|02:57 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | course of events | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 04_dj_russ_harris_feat_adam_barta-standing_in_the_rain_(tony_arzadon_radio) | ] |
your modesty is completely illiterate about cars, despite of having driven one for 7 months, total of 30,000 km across national and european roads, and despite having gone through one serious car accident. so tomorrow i'll aks my dear cousin (female, my age) to take my car to the mechanic, change the motor oil, put on winter tires, and so forth.
your modesty is also a gambler. spent the last two nights with different friends at different casions, winning a bit of money, without much of an emotional reward. it's a pastime, though, a distraction. which can come in handy in the fog season, when your entire life turns into one endless fog, which messes up your mind. for lack of any other convenient distraction.
your modesty also has the tendency to get painfully obsessed with personalities similiar to his own, lost in the middle of their chaotic life, bright and charismatic misfits, wandering around the plot of their dramas, and giving you intense emotional award when you try to go out of your own messed-up way, to help them out of empathy.
your modesty is also in debt, underpaid, and generally more and more dissatisfied with the way things turned out the last several years. could have done a better job with all of that. |
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| world hold on |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|03:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alfa radio | ] |
the world doesn't hold on. neither for you, nor for me, nor for the people who come and go into your life, the friendships and romances that start and end, or the moments you have missed due to unfulfilled half-promises.
and that's good. otherwise you'd miss the constant opportunity of meeting the novelty and excitement each day brings. some day you'll miss the love, the thrill and the flow of your life, while asking the world to hold on for something which is hardly worth it.
don't go back to reexperience moments of wild exaltation or to give another try to failures.
follow life. flow on. share the love of living, but don't get obsessed with anything and anyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2008|11:51 pm] |
otkroveniya:
- After work I will come for you on a white horse, and take you for a ride into the sunset!
- Oh yeah? It's more like that you'll come in a beaten-up audi a3 and take me for a ride into the dirt and air pollution of Sofia.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2008|08:01 pm] |
life went on. people changed. days went by. many things in my life when i have been in severe emotional misery, i've thought about a road through the fields. it's a specific road, i even have taken a picture of it, and must find it somewhere. it's leading from my grandma's village, to another village 10kms away. it's a country rode. no asphalt, no pavement. plain earth and grass. mountains on both sides, beautiful fields, a river. and silence. freedom. loneliness.
and loneliness in this sense is never a bad thing. you may say "i'm lonely", or "i am lost and alone in this world", but that's completely false. you're with someone very precious and special. who's always with you. who suffers your mistakes, and cherishes your successes more than anybody else. and if you do not appreciate this person enough, you're bound to feel lonely and lost.
and no matter what happens, and no matter what situations you get yourself into, and what plots you develop in your life.... the country road will always be there. and i will walk on it, some time in the future again, by myself, through forests, and rivers, and mountains, and beautiful fields, smelling and sounding of grass, and earth, and grasshoppers, and birds. and all current issues will be away, and behind, and nothing will bother me. nothing will endanger me. and nothing will stop me from getting where i want to.
and days went by. and people changed. and life went on. and roads of many kinds were spread in front of me. highways, stairs, pavements, sidewalks. thousands and thousands of kilometers. different buildings, different foods. different sights. different sounds, different languages. and they changed in front of my eyes, as the earth turned around further and further.
and i stopped home. one day, with a suitcase containing my life, i came back to a deserted appartment, into an old panel block of flats, with a view towards the mountain, and walls full of childhood memories. and that was to be my permanent address, and that was to be the city i live in and work in. and that was my country, ancient and beautiful, full of mountains and lakes, and roads, and beaches, and beautiful people.
and then fogs came down, and turned my life into a surreal dream, where i was a protagonist in a novel, and story lines developed in front of me, anticlimaxes followed climaxes, and i felt hopeless, as i didn't know the plot, but kep reading and reading, and observing, hoping to have it come around in my favour.
and it did.
and life went on. and days went by. and people changed. and the road through the fields remained unchanged, waiting for my feet to step on it further again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2008|11:05 pm] |
i'm back. profile needs update, friendlist needs cleaning up, perhaps user pic needs to be changed.
but i'm back. rejoice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2007|05:21 pm] |
how often does one see a scene involving Bush like that? can't think of one. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2007|03:24 am] |
how easy everything can become, when you simply realise that the means for every short- or longterm goal you wish to reach in you life are in your immediate surrounding, regardless of the situation you're in. and all the necessary skills to use those means are inside you, regardless of whether you're aware of it or not.
you have the power to make one event lead to another, and to do action, which will cause reaction, which will help you get whatever you want. and your success will depend not on your preparation, but on the intensity of your wish, or desire, or longing. everything else will shift around in your favour.
so know that. and go get what you want. very few things are impossible. the only things you can't get, are either the one which don't exist, and can't be created, or the ones which are destroyed beyond repair. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2007|01:26 am] |
what do you think your sincerely has done the last couple of days? looking for a job? reading a book? trying to figure out how to make enough money to fulfill his summer plans (or pay his rent)? or maybe study, God forbid, so that he can eventually pass his three summer courses and finally graduate?
well, you know him better than that.
he has been browsing youtube, watching songs from disney and other animation movies in different languages. if you want to get yourself hooked up as well, check the youtube videos under the cut on your own risk.
( the outer limits of procrastination ) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2007|12:46 am] |
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стана та кяквато стана, айде върви пак се оправяй от офис на офис, от бюрократ на бюрократ, от професор на професор.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|12:46 am] |
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дано, дано, ама едва ли... |
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procrastino's journal
